Mchina

You are an Mzungo if you are a fair skinned foreigner with lots of money. Mzungo means Europeans but white people are all the same here, they have loads of moniieesss. Mchina in the other hand is someone who can jump really high, catch a fly with a pair of chopsticks and can kick butts. Apparently many people here have witnessed the great powers of the Chinese, courtesy of pirated kung fu movies. That really shows the effectiveness of education thru movies and television. That’s where I fall, as an Mchina, but I’m a true bloodied Pinoy, doesn’t know any martial arts,( I'm trying my best to improve my running ability to compensate) but happened to be blessed with dead gorgeous eyes… what a pity. What always go under my skin, apart from everything else when it’s hot is when people upon seeing me will try to converse in an incrompehensible-parrot-like-chinese talk. It goes like ay-spik-layk-dis-cos-ders-ants-bay-ting-may-bols which is like a baby talking while being born. There’s nothing else to do but respond with @#$78*1?’%4 which is also a bunch of letters I don’t understand because its %$#@*&^% hot here. Anyways, I still like the greetings here which go around three minutes per person you meet.. The thing is, each greeting consist of asking how are you today (habari sa leo?), how’s your work (habari sa kasi), how did you wake up (by opening my eyes) how’s your house (nyumbani), how’s your children (watoto) and so on but you should always respond with nzuri, poa, swali which just means good. Meaning you are not really allowed to reply on what you really feel, even if your sick, not feeling well, you cannot open your eyes because of sore eyes, your house is burning, you cannot speak because you are choking from your own snot because you have the Mexican flu (Attention VSO, no data yet about Mexican flu in Tanzania?) or your children are the spawn of the devil, you still ought to say POA! You should lie, it’s always good to lie, and that’s why I just walk with a bag over my head every time, to avoid the exchange. Children on the other hand are different greeting machines. They always start with Shikamoo (I kiss your Feet or I’m under you knees) with a slight bow of heads. You will feel like you’re a king or a prince or something important (in your dreams) when they do that. The correct reply for that is not (go ahead and kiss it!) its marahaba (my pleasure or you are under my knees) but really these kids wont really go down to the ground and start smothering your feet with wet kisses. They will just follow it up with Ninaomba pipi or simply PIPI! (I like candies) so give me one or we will kill you and the grammatically and politically incorrect, Give me my MONEY! The greeting that every newbie’s will definitely like here is when someone you greet will reply SALAMA! It really means peaceful but imagine a big burly black guy holding a big knife while smiling and greeting you with salama. I just walk with my back side against the wall if ever that happens.